A Word About Sleepytime Tea

What the shit??! 

Ok that was three words but whatever. (Ok that was a writing cliche but whatever)

What the hell is sleepytime tea? Can I tell you how much I hate the word sleepytime? Its so cutesy its gross. And is it even a word? Thats supposed to be two words, no? What is in sleepytime tea that makes you go to sleep and is different from a drug? Don’t tell me it has relaxing qualities because then why would I buy it? Having fake arguments with people as I shower is relaxing. Watching reruns of Cheers is relaxing. Drinking any other tea is relaxing. So what is different about this creepily-named tea? I think its a sloppy marketing ploy or a brilliant drug front. Either way, I’m not buying it (it is both the marketing ploy and the actual product)

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Matthew

Growing up I was very close to my two younger boy cousins Christopher and Matthew. Christopher was my most prized possession. He was my beautiful little doll and I took him everywhere and did everything with him. Matthew was my sloppy puppy who loved me so much but kind of annoyed me in such a cute, sad kind of way. Christopher and Matthew would come over to my house every morning before preschool. I would eat most of a bowl of cereal and leave the extra milk and last little soggy bits and Matthew would come along and eat my leftovers. That was his breakfast, my leftover cereal. One morning my grandmother felt bad for him so she replaced my used bowl for a new one with fresh cereal and milk and Matthew cried like the freak that he was. Thats the end of my anecdote. Matthew was a little weirdo who loved me so much and Christopher and I would leave him out all the time.

Below please find a picture of Matthew, me and Christopher wearing stupid hats and another of me as a child holding my doll, Christopher.

ps. I always wanted to have appendicitis and Matthew recently had it so he literally ruins everything

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Memoir

I am currently re-reading a book I shouldn’t be reading because I am not learning anything from it or being productive with my time but its entertaining and I’m my own enemy. Its a really funny memoir-type book and so, naturally, I’m thinking of my own amusing childhood anecdotes and I thought “I can make my blog a collection of stories from my past!” But then I thought someone would read them and say, “why would you write a memoir? You’re 22 and you haven’t accomplished anything!” And then that would be the sweetest thing that could ever happen to me because it would mean someone is reading what I write and I would throw that in the haughty person’s face! To sum, I still haven’t decided what I’m going to write about here but I hope someone reads it. Also, true confession, the book I’m rereading is “Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?” by Mindy Kaling. I just didn’t want to say so at first because that would mean I referenced her in two out of two posts and thats kind of creepy but my need to be honest all the time prevented me from hiding it. That was a long “sentence.”

Start

I graduated college at the beginning of the summer and still don’t have a job. Maybe if this blog gets really popular, I’ll make a ton of money and be actual friends with Mindy Kaling. Right now we’re pretend friends in my head. We hung out last night. 

So about me: I have a dick father, I use humor as a defense mechanism and am painfully candid. In all, I have the makings of a very funny person! If only I were actually funny.

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